Journal Three - Megan Russell

After reading the first nine profiles, I have developed quite an appreciation for the book Holding On. I am being completely honest when I say that I enjoy reading the profiles. I am not a history fanatic by any means, but I do like history when it’s told through the eyes of an individual’s perspective. I like the profiles that have long dialogue from the interviewee. The profiles that have more content are the profiles that have a more captivating power to me. The profiles that have less of the first person narration and are shorter in length, I find that they capture my attention less.

When I’m reading stories, I like to read them for pleasure. I have found it difficult to motivate myself to take notes while reading Holding On. To help be an active reader, I will first read the profile for enjoyment and then take notes while reading the profile for the second time.

The theme that I can most connect with is obsessive behavior and its results. I have always tried to be the best that I can be and continue working towards a goal. Going through school as a kid, I always had high academic standing, being such a hard working and motived student. I always would have a 4.0 and be on honor roll.

There is a fine line between wanting to be the best you can be and want to be the best overall. I crossed that line. It came to a point when I wasn’t studying to learn, but drilling information in my head so I would make the grade. I would spend countless hours each night studying and practicing problems until I had them perfect. I would get only 5 hours of sleep each night because of this. I remember one night in particular where I was doing physics homework. I stayed up until 2am to finish the problems, but they weren't even due the next day. I just wanted to be ahead on my homework because I thought it would help me in the long run in that class. The motivation to reach academic success became an obsession to maintain an untarnished academic record. The lack of sleep caught up with me and I started doing poorly in school. I couldn’t focus for long periods of time, I was always unhappy, and I had almost completely lost my motivation.

 

At the end of Robert Shields's profile, he is still working on his journal. He hasn't overcome the feeling of entrapment that his obsession is causing. My story is different. At he end of my junior year in high school I overcame my obsession. I still have a high work ethic and I still strive to do well in school, but now I don’t put as much pressure on myself to get perfect grades. Now I can enjoy my classes and be happy knowing that as long as I put forth my best effort, that is all that matters.